After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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