I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
