i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
