i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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