He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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