Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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