apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
