i barfeds in our rink
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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