and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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