im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
