Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
