I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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