So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
