There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
