you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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