Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Four minutes until I can fart!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
