2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
