You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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