so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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