Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
