wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
