Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
