the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
