so let's talk penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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