My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
