Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
