Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
