dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
