you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
