Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
