He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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