I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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