What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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