I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
