I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
