Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
