onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
