I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
