i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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