It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
