Girls should come with a carfax report
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
