theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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