Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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