you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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