At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
