Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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