i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
