In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
