is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
