she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
